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Canada
"'Ey Nickeel, how 'bout we have a seat on my chesterfield and watch some hockey, eh? We can eat poutine afterwards, don'cha know." :::—The Average Canadian Canada, or Greenland's Mexico, also known as America's Canada, is a dangerous country full of bears and French-Canadians. It is currently under the tyrannical rule of Queen Elizabeth II, who has selected Michaëlle Jean to represent her, who in turn selected Stephen Harper, sensible Bush lover, to govern Canada. He believes that the only people who are against phone tapping are people who have something to hide. While thought to be a peaceable country, Canada is actually an inwardly seething nation quietly planning an appropriate way towards world domination. There's only so many "eh", "igloo" and "hoser" jokes one can take. Plus, the weather sucks in Canada, and that's bound to make for some bad days. Using their bountiful supply of bears, beavers, and angry hockey players, their plan is to sneak upon the nation of Turkey in the middle of the night and subsequenty claim ownership. Once claimed, Turkey will be renamed "Chicken" (Jeremy Hotz) and Sloan music videos will be played 24/7. If the weather's nice there, the Canadians may decide to stay in Chicken while thawing their frostbite before moving on to Russa (aka - Hortonville). Jean Chretien was Prime President of Canada for a really long time. The highlights of his career were when he choked a reporter and when he had a pie thrown in his face with the words "Pie Minister" written on it. He is paralized in half his face, which made for hilarious impressions of him on CBC's two political skit comedy shows, 'This Hour has 22 Minutes' and 'Royal Canadian Air Farce'. Canadians are ruthlessly insensetive to people with disabilities. Chretien is also credited with popularizing the language 'Frenglish'. A combination of French and English which is incomprehendable to anyone of either tounge. Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada is home to the hardcore punk band, DOA. DOA are very unamerican. They have a song called 'Fucked Up Reagan' and an alternate version called 'Fucked Up Bush', along with many anti-war and anti-industrialism songs, not to mention, theyre not from America. They also have a song called 'America the Beautiful' which include these lyrics: *''Lock your doors, lock it tight *''It's the new immoral right *''They wanna cleanse the home of the brave *''For the master race of the USA This group alone warrents an immediate invasion of Canada --Crimes Against Humanity-- *Canada was the first nation to invade the United States during the war of 1812. Canadians (no french) burned down half of the White House, which subsequently had to be repainted. *Elected Stephen Harper as Prime Minister *Home and sanctuary to many bears including the vile polar grizzly. *Home to French-Canadians *Nickleback *celine Dion *Bryan Adams *"Free" health care (sneaky Canadians) *Jean Chretien *Not forcing Robbie Robertson to go home, against the wishes of the UN *Compressing the USA down into a less magnificent size with the gigantic weight of their ice and treacly politeness, all to claim that THEY are the second largest country in the world. Bastards. *Doesn't support our troops. See also *Bears *Polar grizzly *Alex Delorey